Thirty-Two: Happy, Free, Confused… and Glowing
- lthornton6
- Apr 14
- 11 min read
Updated: Apr 29
Somewhere between getting dressed just because it feels good and opening my laptop like I run a small empire, I turned 32. There’s something about that in-between space, not a beginner anymore, but not fully “arrived” either, where life feels both soft and powerful at the same time. I check my calendar like a CEO with lip gloss, not because my life is perfectly organized or planned years in advance, but because I trust myself to handle whatever shows up on it. My days aren’t scripted… unless I’m using my AAC, then yes, they literally are. The rest of the time, they’re styled. A little structure, a little spontaneity, a little iced coffee, and a little faith that I’ll figure it out as I go.
I’m feeling everything at once. Happy, free, confused, a little lonely, and still somehow feeling like I’ve got this. Not in a dramatic way, just in a quiet, steady kind of way. Like,
even when life is a little messy, I still look cute walking through it.
Thirty-two feels like a gentle glow instead of a spotlight. Not performative, not loud, just steady and warm. The kind of glow that doesn’t need attention to exist, but still somehow turns heads. I’m happy in a way that’s playful but rooted, the kind of happy that doesn’t need constant proof. It shows up in the small things. In quiet wins. In laughing at something completely random. In catching myself mid-moment and thinking, wait… I actually like my life. And it feels really, really good.
Somewhere along the way, the baby face started to grow up. Not all at once, not in some big dramatic reveal, but slowly, like realizing your taste in music got better, and your tolerance for nonsense got lower. Still me, still soft, still a little playful and a little chaotic sometimes, but with more confidence behind my smile and a little sparkle that knows exactly what it’s doing.
I think that’s what 32 really is. Not having it all figured out, but finally trusting the version of me that’s still figuring it out, and maybe even having a little fun while I do.
I’m free in a way that’s confident and intentional. Free from overexplaining. Free from chasing things that don’t excite me. Free to change my mind, protect my peace, and still want more. Freedom at 32 isn’t loud, it’s grounded, but it also has a little attitude to it. It’s choosing what fits and leaving the rest behind without overthinking it.
At 32, I still love fun, real fun, the kind that turns a random Tuesday into something memorable. I still love feeling cute, like stepping into a soft sundress with sun-kissed skin, a little glow, and lip gloss that’s doing exactly what it needs to do. I love laughing too hard, the kind where you can’t breathe and suddenly you’re questioning every life choice that led to that moment. I still let life surprise me, saying yes to things that feel light and exciting, letting plans stay a little loose, letting joy show up unannounced.
But now, there’s this steady, grounded joy underneath all of it. I don’t feel like I have to chase every moment any
more, I get to pick the ones that actually feel good. My playful side didn’t go anywhere, she just got standards.
There’s a little boss energy woven into everything now too, and it’s the fun kind. The kind where I check my calendar, run my work, show up to meetings, and still look cute doing it. The kind where I know I belong in every room I walk into, even if I’m still figuring it out as I go. It’s confidence with a wink, not pressure.
I know my worth in a way that feels easy. I’m not over here proving it, I’m just living it. I know what I bring to the table, and if the table doesn’t see it, I’m simply not sitting there. No drama, just vibes.
I know my rhythm too, and honestly, it’s a whole mood. Some days are slow mornings and iced coffee, some days are full calendar, boss mode, get-it-done energy. And I’ve learned how to enjoy both without feeling like I’m behind in life.
And I really know when to lean in and when to walk away. If it feels aligned, fun, exciting, I’m all in. If it feels off, confusing, or like I’m doing too much, I’m out. Gracefully. With lip gloss still intact.
At 32, I didn’t lose my sparkle; I just learned how to use it better.
And can we talk about the timing of this birthday for a second, because being an Easter baby means it’s officially dress season and I am thriving. Everywhere I look, there are soft, flowy dresses calling my name. Pastels, florals, light fabrics that move when you walk like you’re starring in your own little movie. It’s giving twirl in the mirror energy, it’s giving “I just threw this on,” but somehow still looks put together. Picking out a birthday dress this time of year feels like a whole event in itself. Give me the sundress, the glow, the moment. I will absolutely be participating.
And this year, the Bridgerton style dresses are everywhere, and I am fully here for it. The soft silhouettes, the delicate details, the little bit of drama without doing too much. It’s giving that Southern spring charm with a little extra flair. Like, I could be walking into a garden party or down a coastal street, and it just works. It’s feminine, it’s confident, it’s a little extra in the best way. And honestly, it makes sense, because so much of Southern culture goes all the way back to the British colonies anyway, the manners, the tea, the “yes ma’am” energy, the love of a good social moment.
Fun fact: a lot of the actors in Gone with the Wind were actually British, and that always cracks me up a little, but it also kind of proves the point. The Southern accent itself has roots in those early British colonial accents, which means all this Southern charm we claim has a little transatlantic history woven into it. So really, me in a Bridgerton-style dress with a soft drawl and a little attitude isn’t out of place, it’s practically historical accuracy with lip gloss.
And yes, I will be twirling. That part is non-negotiable.
I’m confused too, mostly because my life doesn’t look traditionally “together,” and I’ve finally made peace with that. I’m learning that life is more about the journey than the perfectly planned destination, and honestly, I kind of like it that way. I’ve already dabbled in my ten-year plan without even realizing it. I’m serving on the Georgia Council on Developmental Disabilities, I’ve spoken at the University of Georgia, and I even squeezed in a little romantic chapter along the way, which, if we’re being honest, checks off at least three life goals
There’s something kind of fun about not knowing exactly what’s next but trusting that I’ll handle it when it shows up. Mystery doesn’t always mean chaos. Sometimes it just means the story is still getting good.
And yes, there are moments of loneliness woven in. Not the heavy kind, just the quiet little pauses that come with growth. The kind where I wish there was someone to pop the bubbly with, someone to laugh with and say, “look at us,” before the night moves on. It’s not emptiness, it’s just space. And honestly, I think it’s saving a seat.
Honestly, my birthday spring break deserved its own storyline because it really did the most. It started off with a sleepover with my niece and nephews, watching Peter Pan and fully leaning into my fun aunt era. And because I clearly make excellent decisions, I decided to try Chinese food again since it had been so long, which, for the record, I am still very much allergic to. And yet, there I was, eating it anyway because it was beyond delicious.
Then midweek, we packed it up and went on a beach trip, which I so needed. I didn’t even lay out as you’d expect. I took a good walk instead, just letting myself get grounded, literally. There’s something about the sand, the minerals, that little tingly feeling under your feet. Ladies, it’s basically exfoliating and grounding at the same time. And if you bury your feet and wiggle a little, it’s basically a free massage. Who needs a man when the beach is out here doing all that?
And I found some beach glass, worn-down treasures that definitely looked like it broke off a boat somewhere and just decided to wash up and find me. Very coastal treasure hunt energy.
And then Wednesday night, my babies surprised me with a steak dinner and birthday cupcakes, which was just the sweetest thing. Like full heart, full plate, full celebration energy. I felt so loved in that moment, and honestly, that’s what makes everything feel extra special.
And then on Thursday, I got a purple mani-pedi, and yes, I got a real foot rub too, so we went from sand massage to the real thing. And let me tell you, that just took everything to another level. There’s something about fresh nails and an actual foot rub that makes you feel extra, extra good. Like instantly put together, instantly glowing, like yes… this is exactly the energy we’re bringing into 32.
And then Friday morning, my almost eight-year-old little sour patch kid tried to surprise me with flowers… while I was in the shower. And let me tell you, he scared the shhhheeeeeetttt outta me. One minute I’m minding my business, next minute I’m in full survival mode over a sweet gesture. Between the jump scare and my balance doing whatever it felt like doing, it turned into a full-blown accident waiting to happen. Like sir… I love you, but you cannot be sneaking up on me like that. I was not prepared for that level of surprise. That evening, I went to the Good Friday Service at the park. It was a beautiful community service; even the tourists stopped and gawked. Yes, we worship Jesus on a regular basis in public venues. We aren't ashamed
And then, because my life doesn’t do anything halfway, here comes my favorite strawberry shortcake cake at a family gathering. And not just cake… I got surprised with a dress too. Because apparently we are celebrating in layers this year, and I support that.
Then came a beautiful Easter morning service, the kind that just feels light and meaningful all at once, followed by a full honey ham dinner like a proper Southern holiday. And to close it out the only correct way… a nap. Because at 32, we celebrate, we eat, we glow, and then we rest.
No matter what chapter I’m in, I find myself sitting in low tide, watching the water slowly make its way back in. I’m learning that happiness doesn’t have to be loud or complicated. Sometimes it’s salty air, sun-kissed skin that still tingles, and a seashell tucked into my pocket. A quiet reminder that even in the waiting, something good is always making its way back.
And maybe that’s why I’m looking forward to summer like it’s my personal reward. Summer has always felt like mine. The sun, the glow, the warmth that doesn’t ask questions, it just shows up and makes everything better. Long golden evenings, ocean air, slower days, a little more sparkle in everything. And let’s be honest, Laylay lays in the sun like it’s her job. If there’s a chair, a towel, or any patch of sunlight available, I will be in it, marinating like it’s part of my daily responsibilities.
The best ending to a day is salty, wavy hair, a soft cotton sundress, that sun-kissed tingle still on my skin, and a delicious dinner while the sky turns pink and gold. Good food, good laughs, no pressure. Just being.
And this year, my birthday sits right beside Easter, and I can’t ignore what that means. When I think about it, my heart can’t help but bend low in gratitude, because the greatest gift wasn’t wrapped in paper or tied up with a bow. It was a Savior, born in a manger, who would one day stretch His arms wide on a cross for you and me. Jesus came as a baby, lived a perfect life, loved people right where they were, performed miracles, told the truth even when it wasn’t popular, and ultimately gave His life on the cross for our sins. And three days later, He rose again. That’s the gospel. Simple, powerful, and still changing lives. He wants you to live not just be an existence, not just getting by, but real life, full life, the kind of life where you’re known, loved, forgiven, and never walking through anything alone. Because the cross wasn’t the end of the story, it was the price paid, and the empty tomb was the victory, the proof that sin, shame, fear, and even death don’t get the final say. And that kind of love isn’t distant or complicated, it’s personal, it’s for right now, it’s for the version of you that feels put together and the version of you that’s still figuring it out. His invitation is still open, come to me and I will give you rest. You don’t need to fix yourself first, you don’t need to have it all together, you don’t need a perfect plan or a polished life, you just come as you are, messy, growing, hopeful, tired, all of it. Salvation isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being loved enough that you don’t have to be. It’s about grace that meets you where you are and walks with you into who you’re becoming. And honestly, the fact that I was born on Easter just feels accurate.
I’ve always been the kind of person who bounces back, finds the light again, keeps it moving even when life gets weird, messy, or a little off script. I’ll feel it, process it, maybe sit in it for a minute, and then somehow I’m right back up with lip gloss on, making something out of it. I’m soft, but I’m resilient, emotional but not fragile, full of feeling but still choosing joy anyway. Baby pink skies, buttery yellows, fresh greens, a little lavender in the air, soft and bright at the same time. That’s me. Easter isn’t just a date on the calendar, it’s the reminder that new life is real, that redemption is real, that no matter what season you’ve been in, something new can still begin. We have the cross, we have the empty tomb, and we have the invitation that still stands.
It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters
And make fun of our exes,
It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight
To fall in love with strangers,
We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time
It's miserable and magical
Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines
It's time
I don't know about you
But I'm feeling 32
Everything will be alright
If you keep me next to you
You don't know about me
But I'll bet you want to
Everything will be alright
If we just keep dancing like we're
32
It seems like one of those nights
This place is too crowded
Too many cool kids,
It seems like one of those nights
We ditch the whole scene and end up dreaming
Instead of sleeping
We're happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way
It's miserable and magical
Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks
It's time
I don't know about you
But I'm feeling 32
Everything will be alright
If you keep me next to you
You don't know about me
But I'll bet you want to
Everything will be alright
If we just keep dancing like we're
32
It feels like one of those nights
We ditch the whole scene
It feels like one of those nights
We won't be sleeping
It feels like one of those nights
You look like bad news
I gotta have you
I gotta have you
I don't know about you
But I'm feeling 32
Everything will be alright
If you keep me next to you
You don't know about me
But I'll bet you want to
Everything will be alright
If we just keep dancing like we're
32,
It feels like one of those nights
We ditch the whole scene
It feels like one of those nights
We won't be sleeping
It feels like one of those nights
You look like bad news
I gotta have you
I gotta have you
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